What more can I say than "mom". She is currently in a nursing home. She had a second knee replacement surgery 3-plus weeks ago. After complications with her depression and anxiety meds, combined with the surgical anesthetic, she went home from the hospital after two weeks (the routine hospital stay for knee replacement is 4-5 days). The day she went home was her 81st birthday. She no sooner got home, then she fell and sprained her "good" ankle. Within two hours of coming home she was back in the hospital. She spent two more days in the hospital and was then sent to a nursing home. She will probably be there for two more weeks.
Mom, dear heart that she is, is very needy. I have mentioned that she has dealt with major depression/anxiety her adult life. She has become a caricature of her former self. She is somewhat akin to a cartoon. She is all about her and thinks the world is interested in what she is and what she has to say. Her heart is in the right place, but mentally she has become like a child. This has been a very difficult aspect of my mother to deal with. Years ago she lost touch with her children's lives. She asks how we are, but within seconds forgets she asks, and moves on to mundane details about her everyday life. She really doesn't know any of her grandkids and their goings-on, and one could say she doesn't care, but I know it is because of her mental health issues. Still, it is very difficult to feel warmly toward her. I know she was a good mother when we were young, but she is like a distant character now. I don't know why it is so hard for me to accept her now, but I feel like she is her own island and we children are just floating around the island hoping to get on land.
I know many families have much greater issues to deal with. I was brought up well and my dad is a saint (more on that later), but it hurts that my mother doesn't know me and frankly, isn't really interested in my life. I hope to have insight on this when I die. I'm sure I will. Maybe God will slap me and say, "get over it". But in the meantime, it hurts.
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About Me
- Ann
- I am 48 with three awesome and interesting kids. Becky is a teacher at an alternative school in Vermont, getting married in Jan. of '09. DJ is a nurse in Texas and recently married the lovely Julie. Sam is a junior at Wright State Univ majoring in business.
3 comments:
Anniepie, I love your blog. It's like you're a real person and not just Mom.
2 comments: 1. My Mom is 69 has no type problems as your Mom and recently seems the same way to me. Also my Mother in law (74) was always like that but is getting worse all the time. Maybe its an old age thing?
2. I suffer from severe aniexty/OCD with a little byproduct depression (can't have all those good things without a little depression) I have struggled all my life with it. I THOUGHT IT WAS SUPPOSE TO GO AWAY ONCE I REITRED AND GOT INTO MY 60'S AND BEYOND!
I try everyday not to let my issues fog up my boys life. But they know all about Mommy and when she starts crying you better watch out. No food, no clean clothes, no nothing till things get back to normal. This was given to me I did not ask for it either did your Mom. I hope my boys will find away to bear their burden (their crazy mother) in a kind way. I see your trying I'm so happy as I'm sure your mom is that you do not have her problems. Your burden is still painful but you can work it out. As Sarah would say "it is the weirdest thing" that you wrote this it was like you (God) were trying to tell me something.
Peace Cynthia
Cynthia,
I don't really know you, but now I feel like you are part of my family!! I do suffer from anxiety/depression and I understand the suffering you go through. We also have OCD in our family. It is hellish, so I do know your pain. I am sorry for you. Maybe we can talk sometime. I would like to share thoughts with someone like you who has gone through the things I have gone through.
My heart is with you,
Ann
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