Mother Theresa

I just finished reading an article on Mother Theresa in Time magazine. She apparently went through years of darkness as far as her feelings of closeness to our dear Lord. She had some 40 years of feeling left out of Christ's presence and yet served humanity despite this. Some would say she was kidding herself; I say she was serving the greater good despite her bleakness. What better example is that?!! God works in such mysterious ways!

Dr. Jekyl & Mrs. Snide

Does anyone wrestle with absolutes, as far as your faith goes? What I mean to say is, does anyone struggle with black and white with no allowance for the grey in between? My perception of how I was raised may not be totally accurate, and allowing for the fact that I am an obnoxiously sensitive person, I may have taken too much of my parent's teachings too literally. Mom has struggled with severe depression on and off since she was 19 years old. She also has bucket loads of anxiety. I feel like her effort as a parent to direct her children in the faith was somewhat skewed because of these issues. We were given black and white guidelines as far as "SIN". There was no allowance for the middle ground. Mom is much more comfortable without the middle ground. It makes her life more manageable.
At times in my life, sin has been a word filled with such doom and trepidation that I'd like to ignore it altogether. As a mature Christian, I know that's not possible.
Here is my quandary:
How can I accept myself as a Christian and still continuously repeat the same sins over and over? I know God is a God of mercy and forgiveness, but I frequently have that sense of doom. How will God ever allow me to share in his warm, heavenly home when I can't even control the simplest of sins?
On a sane day, I know from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head, that I love Christ with all my heart and soul and that He returns the favor. But on those days when I proclaim myself a Christian and still think to myself, "What a jerk. He just cut me off in my lane"..... or "Can't she control her appetite? Look at how heavy she is".....I wonder how God can love me.
I want to believe that perfection is not what is expected of me, but instead of perfection, a deep desire to TRY to serve Him and to be a better person each day............baby steps, I know.

Back Pain and Endless Parenting.

Thanks to all the kind bloggers who responded to my initial posts! I hope to get to know you all in cyberspace. Maybe we can meet up with Ziggy Stardust out there. (I know, I'm really showing my age now.)

Last Friday, I began a three day excursion to Williamsburg, VA. to move my oldest child into her grad school apartment. She is studying gifted education (and by gifted I don't mean "How to Wrap a Present" 101). She hopes to develop programs for kids who excel in school and often get overlooked. Needless to say, I am very proud of her as I am of all my kids for completely different reasons.
My reason for bringing this up is directly related to the back pain I am experiencing today. I drove 10 hours to the college of William & Mary on Friday, helped my daughter unpack her belongings on Sat., then drove 10 more hours home on Sunday. Mentally, I still feel as though I am a relatively young person, but my pesky body tells me otherwise. My back is spasming today. I didn't do anything amazingly strenuous, and yet, here I am trying not to notice the lurking "oooga, oooga" that is screaming from my back. Really, aging doesn't bother me so much, but I still worry about the dreams I have not pursued. I was lucky to be blessed with a bit of a vocal talent....I'm sure some would disagree......and in college I did a bit of lounge singing (I know, God forbid) and a lot of dinner theatre. By the way, my husband also joined me on stage during that time. He has a booming bass voice that he doesn't use at all. A shame!!!
Once the children came, I was consumed with caring for them. Now they are basically on their own and I toy with the idea of getting back into some sort of performing. I lack direction. I hear loud and clear that God wants us to use our talents and I did sing with our church choir for several years, but I long for something more professional. I generally am not a go-getter, though.

So, again, here I am feeling a little like an asteroid, or maybe Ziggy Stardust, spinning out of control in space. I want to trust the good Lord, and yet I am not sure how much to depend on Him and how much to depend on myself and Him.

Headline: "Computer Illiterate Already Dissed"

While sharing the title of my new blog with my much younger, much more computer savvy boss, she found great hilarity in the length of my title (Who am I and other questions for Jesus). I suppose that in itself shows my lack of techno hipness. Feeling much akin to a goober at this point, I immediately thought about changing said title, but after a moment of clarity, I decided I am who I am, so love me anyway.


I have been struggling with a lousy self-image lately and praying a lot about it. Maybe God wants to humble me. I have even considered that maybe God is letting me take on my brother-in-law's life-crippling low self esteem so he can get better. I have been praying for him for years.


For the last 23 years, I have been consumed with my kid's comings and goings. Now that my youngest is in college, I have way too much time to think. It's amazing how easy it is to become self-centered. Our very wise parish priest tells me to pray for a new passion. OK God, I'm passionately praying for a new passion. Do you hear me?

A New Site for a Computer Illiterate

I am new to blogging, but my good friend, Sarah (who is also my boss...."snoring scholar") suggested I get into the blogging business. I am not old...or so I tell myself....but I am not a computer wizard like she is, so this is foreign territory to me. Oh, you young bloggers, bear with me.
My hope is to correspond with fellow Catholics, young and old, to enrich my faith and to keep a sense of humor about life.
I want to start a dialogue between cradle Catholics (myself) and converts. I am fascinated by converts who are so excited about the faith. I am working through years of love for the church and also years of frustration centering on guilt that I feel were "lovingly" given to me by my parents. I know they felt they were doing the best they could and I do have the greatest respect for them, but I struggle each day to remain sane in my faith.
So, here I go.
Talk to me.
Ann