For some time now I have been fighting the demons of right and wrong. It is a daily struggle to ward off the bad vibes I wake up feeling each day. Getting out of bed every day is a trial for me. I don't know how to wake up happy. I frequently wake up feeling like a lousy human being, but the rational side of me knows that I am most likely not much worse than anyone else.
I wrestle so often with the feeling that I have to accomplish a certain number of "good" things each day to feel like I am living up to my Godly potential, but as a Christian I know that faith is key and good works alone are not the answer.
So my conundrum.............I KNOW I have faith and I am greatly in love with God and his creation. I am in awe of all that He has made. I am so thankful for the gifts given to me. My husband, my amazing children, the home I grew up in, my dear friends, my church community, my job. The list is endless.
Yet, I still feel as though what I do is not enough and sometimes that God cannot love me for my shortcomings.
I want to wake up feeling God's love for me as the broken person I am and to know that every day is an adventure toward being better. I want to know that despite my lousiness, I am still ok in God's eyes.
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About Me
- Ann
- I am 48 with three awesome and interesting kids. Becky is a teacher at an alternative school in Vermont, getting married in Jan. of '09. DJ is a nurse in Texas and recently married the lovely Julie. Sam is a junior at Wright State Univ majoring in business.
2 comments:
Annie-pie, of course I think that you are awesome, so I offer this humorous alternative to your way of thinking.
How about, each day, you wake up feeling so pious and holy that you have to commit a certain amount of mischievous acts in order to balance out the holiness? That's how I think you should roll with it.
Maybe it would help to pray for the grace to accept who you are, as you are, and for the grace to do God's will. You could start each day with just an Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be and then maybe a heartfelt prayer to, say, St. Joseph (I have a special devotion to him of late).
And I will pray for you, my friend.
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