Saturday, September 8, 2007
Time and feeling like a piece of crap!
It is 1:16 am and I am on the computer posting my next blog. I enjoy the wee hours of the morning. It is my time to be me. No one talking to me, no one asking me to do anything. But wait, the only "no one" with me anymore is my husband. So why is this time so important to me? I can't figure out who I am or what I want out of my post-children life. Only the Lord knows and I have such a time trusting Him to give me direction. I feel like I am just killing time now. Did the saints deal with these issues? Did St. Theresa or Edith Stein say, "OK, God, now what?" I want to believe that there is something more for me now that my sweet children are on their own, but I am impatient and I want an answer now. God, are you listening?
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3 comments:
Maybe you could hire a life coach. Aren't they paid to figure out stuff like this? And, to make it even more appropriate, you can pay him/her with the money would would have spent on groceries for us if we were still there.
Alternately, you could just but more ice-cream. That might be good, too.
Google emails me everytime someone mentions Edith Stein online...and so here I am on your blog, very humbled by your true humility. I don't think you are suffering from low self-esteem. You're just very honest and sensitive, and even though there is a lot of time on your hands, you have a very difficult situation with your mum right now. Even though I know this isn't heaven, I guess I wish you a little heaven anyway. It sounds like you've earned it over the years!
I truly believe God does have something for you to do.
And I hope when you look back on these years, you'll be able to help some other moms who did well by their kids, and are not sure what to do. (Maybe it will be me...I'm not quite there yet.)
PS - if you're interested, my website has a spirituality newsletter for Catholic women. Even if you're not Catholic, you might like the Edith Stein stuff we print up. Edith never married, and spent many years wondering how to use her talents, which for a time (1916-1922), it seemed no one wanted. Even though she never achieved success in her academic field as she dreamed, she did find great peace and joy in the convent. God had something else for her.
www.MySecretisMine.com
Yeah, I think the saints probably did say that to God. I'm pretty sure it's a human thing. I have to wonder too...did Mary ever look up and yell, "Hey, YOU! This SUCKS!"? I mean, Jesus asked to have the cup passed on to the next schmoe (yeah, and then he said, "Thy will not mine be done" - guess that's what makes him the big cheese).
But I can't help but think to meself...maybe what Ann needs in her life is a shoe-sharing little visitor at her house.
*evil laughter*
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